Dead Man Walking
By Tiki Steve | May 12, 2012
I wish I had died in 1984. That was an excellent time. All of the time since then has been a complete waste.
But, I was a fool. I believed the shit that society said.
The next time you see a dead squirrel, a dead bird, a dead ant, a dead anything, that is how important you are. We fool ourselves with religion and noble thoughts in order to give us the illusion that we matter. But when it comes down to it, we are no more important than the dead dog or cat in the road. We are no more important than the dead skunk or dear. We want to think we are, but we aren’t.
It’s actually awesome (except for the pain and discomfort). The great thing is that a year from now, it won’t be a problem ever again.
I feel nauseous a lot. I cough a lot. When I wake up in the morning I really cough. The last few mornings my throat and airway has seemed like it was constricted. It’s like there is a serious resistance to air flow. Awesome! It shouldn’t have to progress much farther in order for that problem to fix itself! 
Today was more painful than usual. My throat, the glands below my jaw, and my ears were hurting quite a bit. It’s all a good sign though.
I was taking high doses of high blood pressure medicine. I stopped taking it. I actually feel a lot better when I don’t take it.
There’s lots of various aches and pains. It’s perfect.
The only problem is my dog. I really intended to try and live her whole life when I got her. But, that was misguided. I was wishing for something that wasn’t there, something that never had been, something that never could be. It’s sad because often it seems like she senses what is going on. I hate to do that to her. She’s the only living thing that I have in my daily life. I think she cares for me as much as I care (love) her. That’s life (and death).
I have serious doubts as to whether or not I could even get back to Hawaii. It’s the physical part, the movement and activity that I am not sure is possible.
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2012: Apocalypse Steve
By Tiki Steve | April 11, 2012
I’m so close to the finish line. I’m almost there.
I took the following pictures today.
I have dreamed of being in a warm place for whatever time I have left. The answer was so simple.
I’m a veteran. I’m entitled to a hole in the ground in a national cemetery. All I need to do is die in Hawaii, on the big island.
There are two national cemeteries on the big island.
Besides, even if I wasn’t a veteran, no one would have any reason to ship my corpse back to the mainland just to chuck it in the ground or burn it.
All I need to do is get my ass back to the big island one more time. I think I can live long enough to get there.
Last summer, in August, I cleared out my storage locker in Minnesota. There is no reason for me to have to go back there ever again.
I was kidnapped and taken to that frozen, wretched, shit-hole where only stupid adults live.
But, that will never happen again.
I only have a few goals for what is left of my life:
1. I want to never be in Minnesota again.
2. I want to die in Hawaii and have my remains disposed of there.
I really don’t care if I end up in a trash can in Hawaii, a Veterans Administration cemetery, or just have my ashes scattered on the island.
If, somehow, I were ever to die in Minnesota, I would like to be cremated and have my ashes flushed down a toilet.
I think that is the only fitting end to a life that ends in Minnesota.
I am absolutely serious. I came to that conclusion about 10 years ago. Amen.
So, I need to get myself and Cookie to the island. If I think I’m really close, I’ll find a good home for Cookie. She is such a wonderful dog that it won’t be difficult.
That’s it. That is all I need to do. It is just that simple.
Adios Mutherfuckeros!
Steve
P.S. If I can get back there, I’m going to eat so many fucking avocados until the day I die. I just love the avocados that you can get on the big island. Maybe I’ll die of an avocado overdose, or avocado-induced liver failure.
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Breakdown
By Tiki Steve | March 25, 2012
Jack Johnson – Breakdown
Jack Johnson – Better Together
Jack Johnson – Country Road (Live Kokua 2008)
What is living in Hawaii like?
I miss Dusty. He always stole my chair too. Jerk!
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My New Hero
By Tiki Steve | March 13, 2012
Erica Mundy Lehnhoff Ray Attridge Don Donald Barb Barbara Ingrid Nuttall Edina MN Minnesota University of Minnesota CNES Wells Fargo
Topics: Out West | 1 Comment »
I Guess It Could Be Worse …
By Tiki Steve | March 5, 2012
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The Islands Keep Calling
By Tiki Steve | February 26, 2012
Cookie and I are going to Hawaii. It’s a one-way trip. We’re not going back. I don’t care if I ever see anyone I have ever known again.
It’s not because I’m a rude asshole. I just hate the cold.
I have been living in the rocky mountains. I’m going to live on the lower elevations of Mauna Loa. I look out at Pikes Peak every day. But, It’s too God Damn cold. I can’t take it. I will never do this again.
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65 Degrees and Falling
By Tiki Steve | February 23, 2012
Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day. It was 65 degrees. I took Cookie for a wonderful hour-long walk on a bike/jogging trail across the street. There are a lot of bikers here in the mountains. In fact, there is a very serious, hard-core biking shop across the street. It’s literally on the bike path.
This morning I woke up disoriented. It was near white-out conditions. I hate the fucking snow. At least it’s going to melt in a few hours. Thank God I’m not in The Asshole of the Universe: Minnesota.
It’s time to bail. Who am I kidding? Unless you’re skiing, snow and cold suck ass!
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The Worst Pictures of Me Ever Taken
By Tiki Steve | February 16, 2012
What do you do with the most horrible pictures of yourself ever taken? Post them on the web! I took these pictures when I was in the Intensive Care Unit recently. Yep, I look horrible.
This guy looks like he’s going to die (maybe next time). After removing and reattaching the electrodes to shower, I was lucky to have any chest hair left.
Wow, I look like crap! My face looks like it was inflated to about 50 psi.
I looked far worse when I got out of the ICU than when I went in. I took these with my iPhone. I didn’t take any when I got out of the ICU. I should have, because I looked worse. When I took a shower after getting out of the ICU, skin was just pealing off of my face. It was gross. I don’t think that’s a good sign.
It would have been much more convenient to have dropped dead two years ago while I was still in Hawaii.
My brother happened to be in the state when I went in and for part of the next day. He took this picture.
Euthanasia time? A few days after I got out of the hospital my blood pressure topped out nicely on January 25th and 26th at 200/133. That was a new personal record.
I look pretty much back to normal in the web cam.
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Whitney
By Tiki Steve | February 14, 2012
Whitney Houston: 1963-2012.
I like those numbers. Who wants to live past 48?
Let’s see. In the last 4 months I’ve gone to the emergency room 3 times and was hospitalized two of those times. This could be my year. This could be the best year of my life.
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Life at 6000 Feet
By Tiki Steve | February 12, 2012
The best dog in the world:
I’ve spent the last few months at about the 6000 foot level in Colorado. I haven’t really lived anyplace for two-and-a-half years.
The sun’s rays are more direct here. It’s about 8 degrees south in latitude from Minneapolis. The thin atmosphere doesn’t filter out the sun’s rays as much, so the sunshine is more intense. It is also sunnier here. We have only had snow on the ground for about a total two weeks this winter. It normally snows and then melts right away. Denver gets a lot more snow than this place does. I don’t know how much longer I’ll stay here.
And, on an unrelated note, to help Stephen Colbert: Super PAC, Colbert Super PAC | Making a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow
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